TO LOVE AND LET GO

I WROTE THIS POST LAST YEAR BUT I FELT LIKE IT DESERVED A RE-SHARE. LET ME KNOW IF YOU CAN RELATE - CHIV

The Universe is forcing me to level up in my life and release people I’m no longer in alignment with. Within the span of six days I’ve had to close chapters with three different men.

Friday I confronted a difficult conversation with a man whom I share a profound connection.

This guy is woven into my Thailand chapter. While we share a relationship built on trust, communication, respect and a mutual desire to grow, we do not align in our values concerning partnership. He is exploring a path of open connection and I am only interested in building a life with one person.

We were meant to be spending a few months abroad together, but after taking time to get clear on my expectations and personal beliefs, I decided it was best that we not reconnect nor speak again for the foreseeable future.

Two days later I met up with a former partner.

This man has had a significant role in my life and someone I love deeply. Our journeys went in separate directions after I moved to Florida but we have remained in each others lives.

Following our conversation this weekend, I became aware of his new relationship. While we’ve been fortunate to preserve a great friendship (he’s been my best friend for years), it no longer feels in my best interest to maintain our connection.

I had to make the difficult decision to cut off communication and move into a future without him.

These two encounters led me to address another situation earlier today.

Having reflected on the intensity with which I love these two men, I took an objective look at the person I was currently getting to know.

Upon listening to my heart, I felt it wouldn’t be fair to pursue a partnership with him. In honoring the healing that I still need to do, I ended our relationship as well.

I feel like an emotional wreck.

For the past week I haven't been able to put energy into my business nor felt inspired to speak, write or create. I’ve spent hours consumed with grief and uncontrollable tears. When my emotions finally gave way to exhaustion, I threw myself lifelessly onto my bed as my wretched heart attempted to process the pain.

I recognize that releasing is imperative to growth. These men aren’t a part of my future, yet their emancipation from my heart feels gut-wrenching.

That’s the thing about loving deeply. It’s an experience of pure bliss, vulnerability and connection. The person becomes so embedded in the fabric of your life that it seems inconceivable that they weren’t there all along.

Then, should you need to liberate yourself from relationships no longer serving you, the unbinding feels like a breath you can’t catch. Like someone is forcing your face under water and the more you resist, the farther you move from being able to breathe.

Lesson being: relinquish control over how life will turn out.

My logical mind has always known that these men have been but chapters in my life.

My heart is far less sensible. She’s been too busy falling; too busy loving their imperfections and gracefully weaving them into the story. Her ability to deeply connect and profoundly give of herself means she oftentimes hasn’t paused to consider whether it’s a good idea.

But as the saying goes, “when one door closes, another opens.”

We can’t experience the love, connection and closeness meant for us if we attach to old stories, wounds and people.

When you cling to the memory of what was, you send a message to the Universe that you’re not interested in the beauty of what could be.

The more you release, the more you allow.

Letting go feels painful. Yet it also feels like a weight has been lifted; like you’ve finally dislodged the rock that you’d swallowed.

The father along the path of healing that you walk, the more grace and love you will experience as you connect with people who can meet you where you’re going.

Expand your heart to the limitless connections available to you.

Love with authenticity.

Breathe into the sadness and allow it to move through you.

Love is healing. Love is transformative. Love is unconditional.

Wait for a love that aligns with your truest version. You deserve to be desperately happy, fulfilled and complete.

Gentle reminder, to love others you must first love yourself.

Cultivate joy from within. Don’t place your worth in someone else’s hands nor demand that they make you happy. Only you can do that.

When you foster a generative relationship with yourself, you create space to experience that with another person.

Until then, be gentle with your heart. Breathe into discomfort and align with what you truly deserve.

Just like I am having to do in this moment, acknowledge when something isn’t working. Love yourself enough to release what no longer serves you. Honor the pain and move through it. Nothing lasts forever, not even a broken heart.

With Love and Light,

Chivonne